As I am now 18, I am officially considered as an adult. I have to pay full price for pretty much everything and in a group of kids, I am considered the “responsible adult” and I think that is pretty mad. I actually had to pay for my dentist appointment the other day. My dentist popped the little mirror in my mouth, had a look around then went “You are all fine, see you in 6 months” and I have to pay like £18 or something. I then found myself moaning to my Mum about it when I got home and was taken aback when I realised that what I moan about now is SO grown up compared to the rubbish I used to moan about before.
It really hit me that I am never going to be the little 7-year-old girl that used to find it fun playing Mums and Dads or be the 12-year-old finding it exciting that I was allowed to go shopping with my friends without an adult. I am expected now to be responsible for things that a couple of years ago I assumed just came to me. Apparently, you actually have to fuel a car a lot, food is like a constant thing that needs to be topped up and I am going to go on about having to pay for my dentist appointments all the time now. I am currently weighing up buying Olly Murs tickets or getting my bumpy wall plastered in my room. I miss the days when I saved up for a year just to afford to get a Game Boy game from Woolworths.
I remember, when I was little, looking at people my age and thinking “woah, it must be so cool to be able to do everything and know everything and have like a house and a car and stuff” but now I am at that point, I am wondering why don’t I know how to do everything and why I don’t know everything about everything. For the past 5 or 6 years, I have thought I was always right and I think it is sadly dawning on me now that I’m not. Being an official adult has kind of made me feel less in control of everything and bit dumber.
In all honestly though, I do like being a little more independent. I couldn’t imagine life now without being able to drive or afford things. I would hate to be looked down upon by some 18-year-old thinking they are in charge of me so really being that 18-year-old is better. I like that I am at the age that all older people say that they would like to go back to. It’s the feeling of having loads of different paths to go down and I am currently deciding which one would be the best to follow. But, at the same time, I do feel a pressure to not fluff it up and choose the wrong one. I surely can’t be the only “adult” that feels like this. Every decision feels like such an important one and the phrase “taking your life into your own hands” really applies to this stage of my life. Uni or not uni, this job or that job, this city or this city. I just want future happy me to tell me what to do so I can stop getting all stressed.
P.S. I’d like to think that in a couple of years I will reread this and laugh at my naivety.